Today me and my two brothers got lectures from my father . as usual , about my family problems. So that time I just woke up . So suddenly Amy said my father wants to talk something and i knew it it must to lectures about all of us . so he asked me whether today im going to work or not . so i said yeah . then he said last month how many days u working ? then i said 4 . he said why so little ? then i said i dont know . that time, when i talking with him . i didnt see his face and also my voice just like different. then suddenly , he angry and said im rude . and blablablablablaaaa . and he still keep saying the same thing about his divorce . and said who we going to stay . him or my mum . But know seriously i dont know . If I stay with my mum , who is going to pay my fees college ? and also i hate that fucking guy okay ? he is a smoker and also doing drugs . and i dont know how can my mum loves him . If i stay with my dad , for sure he will conquer my life . I cannot do this I need to do this . I need to follow all his instruction . I cannot hang out with my friends . need to study all the time . You know him . and also if i stay with him . how can possible Im going to pakistan and meet Waqas . If i said to him , of course he wont let me go there . but i love him . i love my father . i love my waqas . i love my mum . if I stay with my dad . at least i can working at my way easily and get some money . and i will keep that money and go visit waqas but will he allowed me to go ? but if i stay with my mum , of course my mum will let me go meet waqas because my mum know about us . but the problem i dont have work to find me easily like my father always give to me . So , now i think money is important . I mean my dad have a lot . he work really hard for it . and my mum ? i know inside her bank only left rm10k . So how can she pay me everything ? and give me some allowance ? and how can i need money to visit waqas ? ARGGGGGHHHHHH . why life is so hard ? If I go to visit him , at least i have rm3k in my hand . how can it is possible to me ? I really do want to meet Waqas so badly cause i miss him and love him . more than anyone else. because only him can understand how i feel now . but what can i do now ? my mum or my dad ? its easy to meet waqas if i stay with my mum but problem is money . its hard to meet waqas if i stay with my dad but easily to get money . So ? What should i do now ?