The worst feeling ever when u need to choose which way u need to go in ur life . My life is completely different from anyone in this world . My life is either to choose my parents or him . Well, i know some of u might say its so easy to choose . absolutely your parents because they give u food , a shelter , an education . and yes of course i agreed about that but u dont know what kind of family do i have now . Sometimes im jealous with my other friend's family . They have a such a beautiful family if you want to compare with my family life . Some of u might know that both of my parents are mostly fighting everyday . And Im so tired of it . They fighting like crazy people. Both of them cant lose . Both of them want to win . And the real is both of them are wrong . And the victim is the children . Seriously , i dont blame my parents at all . And i dont blame anything . Im just wonder Why my life should be like this ? I just feel like im an orphan . neither of them like do really care about me . Everyone in the house just do their own life . They not bother much . Maybe they are but they didnt show it . Love needs to show .. Im also didnt talk much with my father . In fact we didnt talk . my mum also i didnt talk that much . Seriously im alone . And that's why I need some one that i can really talk to , someone that i can really hang out to , some one that care so much about , some one who pay attention to me . I mean who doesnt want to be like this . That's why I prefer to chooose him rather my parents . You know what ? me and him went through so much of things , so much of barriers . About my dad didnt like him because he's a foriegner , because he's not malay ? because i dont know what the hell the reason is . but he is really nice guy . he changed . change to be a better person . And yes I can see that . We love each other . And there is one day he brave himself to meet my father . And talking about to get serious relationship with me . And my dad say no . and no and no . But what we can do ? You ask us to break up . Forget the past ? forget about our feeling .? The more u seperate us apart the more closer we are . and we never think to break up at all . and yes we do fight . almost everyday but we never cross to our mind that we can seperate and make a new life . Nope . And there was one day I walked with him and suddenly my dad see us and stop the car and that was like the biggest fighting ever . not really fighting but my dad really angry to him and me . and I decided to send him go back to his country for his safety . I sacrifice for him. because I never love anyone like I love him right now . I just couldnt forget about him . he is such a nice guy . He is understand me . And i never regret to choose him to be part of my life . And i dont know how could i describe to u how much we love each other . u just cant imagine . Seriously , everyday I love him more and everyday im more closer to Allah . Alhamdulillah .because i believe that Allah meet us together and test us how long we can be together . I want until Jannah . I never never like a guy like i like him . everyone knows about it . But i want this thing to solve . I just couldnt handle this . but i know somehow i need to face it . I love both of my parents and him . Seriously , rightnow i couldnt choose between one of it . but i dont have a choice in need to sacrifice one of them . If i choose my parents and leave him , damn my life would be so difficult . trust me . because i cant imagine one day without him . our bonds are too strong to break it . but if i choose him , im going to lose my parents and what if one day they cant accept me anymore ? I dont want t be rude to my parents . i respect them . but they just cant understand me especially my dad . Yes he gave me everything . but he disnt give me love . Love from a father to a daughter . yes of course he giving me a freedom to hang out with my friends . but i think he is so racist . he wants me to hang out with malay ! I mean whats wrong with others ? Im big enough . I know what I do . If he supports me maybe he also can give me some advice . But now i dont know , which one i need to choose , i dont to lose my familt neither him . I know u will say that i need to discuss with my parents but then I know my dad better . Seriously , I dont know . I dont know . I hope Allah will guide me . Im always hope Allah will show me . I hope everything is fine . but im scared . Cause later im going to take a big step in my life . You know only him knows everything about me . about everything because i tell him everything . none of my friends like knows the whole story about my life . but he does . i only tell him because he is my everything . I never feel like this before . Maybe one day you will find a guy that u just never let him go away from your life .

Why ? why nobody cant feel how i feel right now ! why am i freaking stress ! why ! why life is getting harder now ! why ? why no body cant even understand me right now !! what kind of life do i have ! i bet ur life is more 100x times better than me. why i need to cry everyday ! why i need to be angry everyday why ! i cant do anything ! why i dont have so much of money so that i can run away easily . WHY ! why when im wake up from sleep i hope my life would be better but why not even 1 second i feel so peace ! when only i read Al-quran then i feel so calm . when i pray i can feel that Allah always hear me . but im just human . very weak human. im not strong enough to handle all this situation by myself . why ? why all my friends have a nice family , have nice parents who always support them , who always spend time with them . but why i feel my family is so fake even this is my real family. but why ? sometimes im really jealous with all my friends because they have nice family . I wish i was them . but why in my family every person do their own thing. i feel so alone now